I have a huge deficit in operating anything mechanical. That whole part is missing from my brain. it could be a function of laziness (i just don't want to listen long enough to learn how to change my own oil), but it goes beyond that.

here's two examples (i wish i could show you this with a picture, but i can't upload from my computer so i am going to describe it and maybe you will see how stupid i am when it comes to gadgetry and mechanics.)

i bought a metronome to help improve my improvisational noodling on the guitar. it worked fine -- its a basic rhythm machine - you wind it up and it rewinds - tick tocking a rhythm for you to play against.

i couldn't get it to work. i kept winding it up, but it was already wound, at least to my brain. i kept turning the thing to wind it up, and the thing never started, so i went back to music store, and showed the guy Patrick, at Blue Bus Music.

"let me have a look at it." and he removed the key from its spot and stuck it into the place where you wind up the device. and it started working.

so can you guess what i did wrong? I never removed the key from its spot, and was simply turning it where it was.....completely ignoring the spot where you actually wind up the device, being in plain view.

that's almost borderline brain damage.

it reminds me of last year when i got super super sick with the flu (i'm still certain it was Covid, but i didnt get tested for antibodies until 8 months later and it came back negative).
Elena kept taking my temperature, and it was 103. and i was a wreck, sweating like an arsonist, and nearly hallucinating. But Elena had to leave to visit her family for a week - her New Years in Moscow - and left me on my own.

I took my temperature religiously ,and lo and behold my temperature was back to normal! a perfect 98.6.

i still felt completely rotten, even worse than before - but at least my fever was gone, right.
it didn't make sense. i would take my temperature every hour, and it was the same. all the time.

i thought maybe i could go back to work, but i could barely walk at all. i was lying in a soaked bed.

it wasn't until a day later that i realized i was simply reading the little red line, that shows you the absolute normal temp on the thermometer. the permanent line.
i just kept ignoring my real temperature (peaking at 103.5).

so i'm stupid. super stupid. which leads me to my epiphany.
being at the absolute bottom in certain areas of life, means that literally EVERYONE ON EARTH can help you.

even the dumbest kid from shop class could have helped me out in both of these instances.

and that matters.

because people instinctively and naturally like to help other people. it makes them feel good.
so my sheer stupidity actually is a gift to the world -- that everywhere I go my ignorance provides a big positive lift for people, just by helping me tie my shoes, or open a zip lock bag.

that's my epiphany for today.
who knows, one day I'll make your day, when you make mine better.