Live from the waiting room… Greg has thoughts
Update #3. No need to return tomorrow
Update #2 the vending machine in the juror lounge has Funyons. This is why America is great.
Just been called
Currently in a big room for jury duty. I feel compelled to nominate myself as jury foreman immediately. Then later tell them I’m guilty of the crime they’ve accused the defendant of. I learned this from Clint Eastwood.
I just watched a long video about being an unbiased juror. I thought it sucked.
Why are you here.
I think I’ll be dismissed the moment I tell them I know Jesse Watters.
Jury update: no paper towels in the bathroom. Hand cleanser empty at all spots. None of the clocks are set at the right time. My yelp review is going to be scathIng.
A friend just told me racism gets you excused from jury duty. I already checked off “white” on my nationality so I’ll let them do the work.
No air conditioning in this place. Jesse got better treatment when he was detained in Turkey for shoplifting hair plugs.
think I would be perfect for jury duty because I can tell if someone is guilty just by looking at them.
Send help......and a storage unit. He kept the m'fer a secret. Maybe I should come home with a pair of $1000 shoes.
Congratulation to @SGKusmertz, @bek1, and @wilbner. Your questions were chosen for tonight’s Ask Joe and the Panelists.
@SGKusmertz If you could have one song play when you enter a room, what would it be?
@bek1 Do you usually feel excited or stressed out about going back to school after summer break?
@wilbner What was the best prank you’ve ever pulled?
Post your questions below for Greg & Friday's Panelists on GUTFELD!
Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives...
Fourteen Logical Reasons Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives
1. The later you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave lots of things on the floor.
4. Dogs' parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go, instantly, 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you're pissed.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. Dogs won't wake you up at night to ask: "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and sell 'em.
11. When you drop a silent one, dogs don't run around frantically with room spray.
12. Dogs will let you put a studded collar on, without calling you a pervert.
13. If a dog smells another dog on you, it won't kick you in the crotch; it just finds it interesting.
And last, but ...
Add your Weird faves!!!!
Happy Birthday to "Weird Al" -
Alfred Matthew "Weird Al" Yankovic (born October 23, 1959) is an American singer-songwriter, musician, parodist, record producer, satirist, music video director, film producer, actor, and author. Yankovic is known for his humorous songs that make light of popular culture and often parody specific songs by contemporary musical acts. Since his first-aired comedy song in 1976, he has sold more than 12 million albums (as of 2007), recorded more than 150 parody and original songs, and has performed more than 1,000 live shows. His works have earned him three Grammy Awards among nine nominations, four gold records, and six platinum records in the United States. Yankovic's first top ten Billboard album (Straight Outta Lynwood) and single ("White & Nerdy" ) were both released in 2006, nearly three decades into his career.
Yankovic's success comes in part from his effective use of music video to further parody popular culture, the song's original ...
