Hey Gutterites, I learned this past Thursday evening that my friend, D (his name was Darren) lost his battle with alcoholism and passed away in the hospital at the age of 56. I want to thank you all for your previous messages of support. They meant a lot to me.
Darren leaves behind no immediate family, as in the previous (less than) 5 years he lost his father, then later one older brother (my childhood best friend) in '21, his mother (divorced from his father) in '22 and his eldest brother in '24. Our mothers had remained very close for decades. He does have 2 (related by blood) nieces and a stepsister, whom I was privileged to meet at his bedside 2 weeks before he passed.
I really believed he was going to survive. Over the course of visiting him in the ICU, later DOU, for 2 1/2 weeks, he went from unconsciousness & intubated, while trying to detox with a bad (we later learned useless) liver, to speaking a couple words and days later smiling at me while we joked and watched the hockey playoffs. I got to see his shades of his personality again and got my friend back. Strange that he couldn't speak again (but could finally smile) after his last words to me...One of which was "Rosemary". I asked, "Who's Rosemary, Darren?" having visions of Orson Welles' moustache in ECU in Citizen Caine. "Rosemary.......TEA." He said. His throat was still sore from the breathing tube but he still wasn't allowed to drink fluids. His frustration from not being able to drink, water and otherwise or smoke, was noticeable.
They did remove his restraints after two weeks, telling him (as he was able to obey commands) "Don't touch your tubes." They removed 5 liters of fluid from his abdomen one day and 2 days later it looked like they were going to remove another 5...But his body was too far gone to recover.
Before his hospital stay, he had been fighting a UTI that we had a Dr.'s appt. for, but a miscommunication caused it to be pushed 6 days later and we never made it. He fell and it was a minor miracle he didn't die on his living room floor - 10 feet from where he found his brother 4 1/2 years ago.
My wellness check on him, which revealed only his dog, wallet and phone, came a number of hours after he had already been taken to the ER, thanks to another friend's wellness check. My struggle to locate him over the next 12 hours was frustrating to say the least.
My biggest fear after I saw improvements in the first 2 weeks then, was the conversations I was going to have to have with him when he got out of rehab and wanted to go back home (and be with his beloved dog) - A big house in the Studio City Hills that had been in the family for 90 years and was now in pre foreclosure. Would he like the sealing up of access doors and extra latches I had put on gates (no squatters please) and the gun closet, since there wasn't enough room in the safe for all the guns? Could he even take care of his dog, let alone himself? Was he scared straight enough to finally come to terms with the situation(s) or was it just a matter of time before UberEATS returned as UberDRINKS?
He trusted me with his bank card / PIN, and with the combo to his safe, but would he trust that the decisions that I and a small circle of friends and neighbors had made were the right ones? We had just celebrated a victory - placing his never met a sweeter dog in a temp home in the same neighborhood - avoiding the problem ex girlfriend with the drug dealer boyfriend and bully Pit Bull.
Darren had shared a lot of unflattering life circumstances with me, but not everything. I knew he was depressed on holidays and family birthdays and tried to be there for him. No conversation whether in person or on the phone, was less than an hour. He liked to reminisce, as did I, and there were a lot of memories as I met him when he was in kindergarten.
Now I reflect on the twinges of guilt, frustration, anger, sadness, and all the questions that can never be answered. I won't be taking lead on selling the house, as well as all the valuables inside - he had a pride and a stubbornness that allowed him to sell off only a tiny percentage of assets - enough to live on but not enough to pay off his debts. I'm frustrated with him for the legacy his leaves his nieces and step sister. They're good people and they're really hurting right now and overwhelmed.
There are so many lessons here, that we've all heard, so many regrets and 2nd guesses, and little closure...I'll try not to dwell on them too much...I'll take solace in knowing he's with his family again, who he missed dearly.