I don’t usually share private things on socials, although I feel honoured others do, particularly on this platform as it feels so like being invited into family.
Mother’s Day this year was bitter sweet for me.
My mother passed away on the 27th December 2025 - I sat with her for 2 days and nights holding her hand, gently stroking her head, determined she would not pass away alone, as my father had done, and despite her best efforts.
I loved my mother and always will despite the unmitigated emotional pain she inflicted upon me. Not just me, but my brother as well, after he defended me.
However the 27th wasn’t really when I “lost” her - my mother chose to enstrange herself from both me and my brother, including his family, because I entered into a relationship she felt was wrong. Her reasoning was not even the slightest bit rational, something many tried and failed to help her through, but they would give up, recognising they would also end up cut off from her if they mentioned me in any way.
For 20 long years she refused to have contact with me or my brother. My former SIL did manage to maintain some contact, particularly after the divorce from my brother, the connecting factor being able to be critical of my brother (full disclosure, he was the one at fault)
When Mam was admitted to hospital in her final months she continued her cruelty by refusing to allow me to visit, advocate for her, or even help with her house affairs while in hospital. I still did it anyway, the best I could. Consistently, I was refused visitation, every time I went. My nephew was put in the position of her NOK even though he was in a different state. He had to call me or his father to make decisions.
I was grateful, when on Christmas Day, when it became apparent she was non responsive and in her final days, the nurse finally allowed me to enter Mam’s room and stay with her until the end.
Two days before Mother’s Day, following the sale of the family home (of which I was locked out of, and also cut from the will), I made a Victoria Sponge cake - something my mother would make for me occasionally before the estrangement because she knew it was a cake I liked, as I don’t have a sweet tooth. I made it in her honor because I do still remember good things of her, I recognise she must have been struggling with some mental health problems - it wasn’t about me, it was about her. I am sad, I loved both of my parents and still do, I know my father would be horrified at her behaviour towards me. I am sad but am also now relieved the emotional roller coaster is done!