God notices heaven is getting a bit crowded
So he sits down with St Peter and says
“Look, too many people are getting in. As of tomorrow at 12pm, no one is getting in unless they’ve had a really bad day”
Peter nods, and the next day he sits down at the pearly gates when a man arrives
“Hi sir, welcome to heaven, hey new rules... you’re not allowed in unless you’ve had like a really bad day”
The man doesn’t pause before screaming:
“Bad day? A bad day! Let me tell you about my day. I have suspected my wife of cheating on me for a year now and I decided to come home at lunch and catch her in the act. So I go up to my apartment on the 10th floor and I nearly bust straight in. Anyway she’s lying on the couch, naked and screaming at me! I can’t find the guy anywhere, until I go outside on the balcony and there’s this guy, naked, holding on to the balcony floor. And he’s screaming at me too! Well next thing I go into this rage... I just stomp on his hands and he falls the ten storeys. But at the bottom these branches break his fall, and he starts to get up! He’s alive! So I grab the nearest thing, our fridge, and I haul it out onto the edge of the balcony and lever t over the railing, sending it right at him. I don’t know what happened next though cause I gave myself a heart attack while doing it!”
Peter nods “wow yeah that is rough. In ya come”. The next guy in line walks up, naked
“Hey so yeah, new rules, you have to have had a bad day to get in”
“Well let me tell ya. I was home sick from work and I just got out of the shower. Anyway I walked out onto my balcony of my fifteen floor apartment to get some fresh air. A gust of wind whipped my towel off and I reached out to grab it... but I ended up falling over the edge! Luckily I managed to turn mid-air and grab onto this balcony. So I am hanging there, screaming for someone to help me when this god damn mad man comes running out and starts stamping on my fingers! I then fall ten storeys, but I’m saved! All these branches in these trees at the bottom slowly break my fall. I was just getting my bearings when I look up and a fridge is flying at my face”
Peter nods... perplexed... “wow. Yeah. Okay. That sounds rough, in ya go... next”
This other guy walks up, and Peter says “same as the last two, you’ve had to have had a bad day to get in”
The guy looks at him and goes
“Okay. So imagine this. You’re naked inside a fridge”
mornin
Congratulations to @SoCalMike. Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@SoCalMike What sport do you wish you were really good at?
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.
Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?
Grandma replied, Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh ... Im happy with my TV as my boyfriend.
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started
adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandmas minister. The minister said, Hello son, is your Grandma home?
The little boy replied, Yeah, shes in the bedroom bangin her boyfriend.
Mornin
