“The other time I made a waitress cry”

We were in Scotland.
We went on an all day tour from Inverness to the ‘Isle of Skye’.
We left at 07:00, and returned at 20:00.
There was an ‘American style’ burger joint adjacent to our hotel, that did not close until 22:30.
I should have listened to my wife and ordered the fish and chips, they find it difficult to screw that up.
It should have dawned on me that my mother in law raved about the hamburgers. I’ve cooked hamburgers for her…
Hockey puck consistency is an insult to hockey pucks, Hockey pucks are most likely edible by comparison.

Nope, like a dumbass, I ordered a ‘Bacon Double Cheeseburger’ with fries and ‘grilled’ onions on the side. I was thinking about it for at least 3 hours.
My food came, the burger was inedible, the fries were floating in what ever liquid the onions were in.
I took a single bite of the Burger, and ate a single fry. I then spit them both into a napkin, and pushed the plate aside.

When it came time to settle up, the waitress noticed I hadn’t eaten.

“Would you like a box for that?”

“No ma’am, thank you so much, but that’s not necessary.”

“Oh it would be no problem.”

“No ma’am, thank you, I don’t need a box.”

“Really, it’s OK, I’ll just get you a box.”

“No ma’am, really, don’t trouble yourself.”

“It’s no trouble! I be right back with a box!”

“Ma’am! Do not bring me a box, I will not take the food and I will not eat it, please!”

“Why? Was there something wrong?”

“That is the most digusting thing I’ve ever tried eating. It’s the worse hamburger I’ve ever tasted in my entire life!”

She cried, the manager came over and made excuses about ‘Mad Cow disease’, and that’s the way Europeans like their meat cooked.

They didn’t charge me for the burger and fries.

I should have listened to my wife.

Picture: The path to ‘The Faerie Pools of Skye’, Isle of Skye, Scotland, UK