A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Send help......and a storage unit. He kept the m'fer a secret. Maybe I should come home with a pair of $1000 shoes.
Congratulation to @SGKusmertz, @bek1, and @wilbner. Your questions were chosen for tonight’s Ask Joe and the Panelists.
@SGKusmertz If you could have one song play when you enter a room, what would it be?
@bek1 Do you usually feel excited or stressed out about going back to school after summer break?
@wilbner What was the best prank you’ve ever pulled?
Is cooking about to be a lost art? Lately, I have talked to people who can't or don't cook. It blows my mind. I feel like I'm in the minority, so ... Who can really cook? Which ones are a ‘No’ for you?
HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Made bread from scratch? Yes
2. Cooked fresh okra or squash? Yes
3. Made homemade soup? Yes
4. Fried chicken? Yes
5. Made spaghetti sauce from scratch? Yes
6. Made homemade rolls or cinnamon rolls? Yes
7. Baked a cake from scratch? Yes
8. Made icing from scratch? Yes
9. Cooked a pot roast with all the veggies? Yes
10. Made chili from scratch? Yes
11. Made a meatloaf? Yes
12. Made potato salad? Yes
13. Made mac/cheese from scratch? Yes
14. Made any pies from scratch? Yes
15. Made sausage from scratch? Yes
16. Made fudge? No
17. Made cookies from scratch? Yes
18. Cooked a pot of dried beans? Yes
19. Cooked a pot of greens? Yes
20. Made cornbread from scratch? Yes
21. Made a pie dough from scratch? Yes
22. Cooked a whole turkey? Yes
23. Snapped green beans & cooked them? Yes
24. Made mashed...
