A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
See GUTFELD Live with Tom Shillue and our surprise guest comedians
Joe DeVito, Jamie Lissow, Michael Loftus, Joe Machi & Jeff Dye!
Sat, April 11, Duluth, GA, -Gas South Arena
Sun, April 12, Huntsville, AL, Propst Arena
Sat, May 2, Nampa, ID, Ford Idaho Center
Sun. May 3, Independence, MO, Cable Dahmer Arena
Sat, June 6, Frisco, TX (Dallas) Comerica Center
Sun, June 7, Charlotte, NC Bojangles Coliseum
Sat, Sept 19, Henderson, NV, Lees Family Forum
Sun, Sept 20, Clarksville, TN, F&M Bank Arena
Sat, Oct 17, Peoria, IL, Peoria Civic Center
Sun, Oct 18, St. Charles, MO, Family Arena
Go to www.GGUTFELD.com/live for tickets!
I will post pictures of the final product soon, after I wiped the grease off my phone.
Congratulations to @hillcatgut. Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@hillcatgut Name an actor or politician that you met - was your impression of them different than their public persona.
I love Greg Gutfeld. The first time I saw him, I loved his humor. My husband had died. He was a Democrat. We watched NBC news only. Now I was without him and I turned on Fox. The Five was on and there was Greg. I was laughing so hard. That was it ..I was hooked .I am a Republican and I only watch Fox.
“Protein’
Been a while since I’ve made a protein post.
Basically because ive switched to ‘fat’. 70% or more of my calories come from fat now. Usually in the form of egg yolks.
I still eat 10-12 ozs of meat, with 2 whole eggs, and 4 egg yolks. With bacon.
Tonight we took our daughter and her partner, ‘Needles’ out to dinner for ‘Needles’ 32nd birthday.
I had a 20 oz bone in ribeye…
We of course were overdressed.
