A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Taped The Great Christmas Showdown at Fox and this weekend I’ll be with Greg in Atlantic City
Congratulations to @heavyO. Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@heavyO What show do you dislike, but will watch with your significant other?
It's not even Thanksgiving and we're already thinking about gifts and Holiday Sales... WELL... here's a thought....how about surprising a loved one with Tickets to GUTFELD Live! Tickets are now on sale for the Entire Tour 2026 tour including our last show of 2025 in Atlantic city Nov 22! There are still VIP tickets available at most of the shows, but they won't last - so if you're looking to enhance your experience or a loved ones grab 'em while you can.
Go to www.ggutfeld.com/live for ticket info. and we REALLY hope to see you there!
FULL TOUR LINE UP!
Sat, Nov 22, Atlantic City, Ocean Casino (Surprise Guest Kat Timpf! )
Sat, Feb 28, Westbury, NY, Flagstar @Westbury Music Fair (almost sold out)
Sat, April 11, Duluth, GA, -Gas South Arena
Sun, April 12, Huntsville, AL, Propst Arena
Sat, May 2, Nampa, ID, Ford Idaho Center
Sun. May 3, Independence, MO, Cable Dahmer Arena
Sat, June 6, Frisco, TX (Dallas) Comerica Center
Sun, June 7, Charlotte, NC Bojangles Coliseum
Sat, Sept 19, ...
Congratulations to @APalm, @Pam_Antosiak, @RockNRollHS. Your questions were chosen for tonight’s.Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@APalm Who's a celebrity that is universally considered attractive, but they just don't do it for you?
@Pam_Antosiak At your current level of professional success, do you still have a five year plan? And if you do, where do you want to be in five years?
@RockNRollHS What is it that annoys you the most these days?
Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin’ bad.” Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, “Aye, ’tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin’ victim to temptation as well.” Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said...
“What a terrible pity…one of the girls must be dying.
mornin
