A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Congratulations to @KentC. Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@kenyC. Who was your biggest tv/movie crush? Did you ever meet them?
Tickets still available for our last 4 shows of the year.
Join us...
Sat, Sept 19, Henderson, NV, Lees Family Forum
Gutfeld, Shillue & Joe Machi
Sun, Sept 20, Clarksville, TN, F&M Bank Arena
Gutfeld, Shillue & Joe Machi
Sat, Oct 17, Peoria, IL, Peoria Civic Center
Gutfeld, Shillue & Jeff Dye
Sun, Oct 18, St. Charles, MO, Family Arena
Gutfeld, Shillue & Jeff Dye
Go to www.GGUTFELD.com/live for tickets!
We had lunch with my parents' best friends, a couple we have called "Aunt and Uncle" our whole lives. Haven't seen them in quite a few years. They are in their late 80s/early 90s but hanging in there. There is something very special at my age about being with people who held you as a baby and reminiscing and sharing old stories and memories. I have been feeling lost lately, now not so much. 💕
I bet the far left will be angry (again) finding out that the Great American Fair is just about celebrating our country, not politics. "Over a dozen attendees Saturday — on both sides of the political aisle — told NBC News that they didn't feel the atmosphere at the fair had any kind of political tint."
And I'm pleasantly surprised that NBC News reported this story honestly.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/politics/articles/trump-great-american-state-fair-163041814.html
Hey Senator dipshit. What’s a more effective strategy to “rig an election”? Requiring proof of identity/citizenship, cleaning voter rolls, having a single “election day”, using paper ballots, outlawing ballot harvesting, and limiting vote by mail? Or prohibiting asking for proof of identity/citizenship, prohibiting the cleaning of voter rolls, having an “election month”, using hackable electronic machines, allowing ballot harvesting and having unrestricted mass mailing?
