A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Thanks to everyone who's come out this year! We're looking forward to seeing the rest of y'all in the coming months! Learn more about when and where to See Gutfeld, Perino, Shillue, Joe Machi, Michael Loftus and Jeff Dye! Tickets are still available including Meet & Greet Book signing tickets with Dana Perino in Frisco Texas. The Meet & Greet in Charlotte is sold out.
UPCOMING SHOWS!
Sat, June 6, Frisco, TX (Dallas) Comerica Center
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Michael Loftus and Dana Perino!
Sun, June 7, Charlotte, NC Bojangles Coliseum
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Michael Loftus and Dana Perino!
Sat, Sept 19, Henderson, NV, Lees Family Forum
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Joe Machi
Sun, Sept 20, Clarksville, TN, F&M Bank Arena
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Joe Machi
Sat, Oct 17, Peoria, IL, Peoria Civic Center
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Jeff Dye
Sun, Oct 18, St. Charles, MO, Family Arena
Gutfeld, Shillue AND Jeff Dye
Go to www.GGUTFELD.com/live for tickets!
Congratulations to @bek1. Your question was chosen for
Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@bek1 What album had the greatest influence on your musical taste?
Dear Harold Ford, once again you make yourself the fool.
NO, NO, NO
You don't "get government" to improve capitalism. You get government out of the way(except for very few circumstances).
You act the voice of moderate Democrat reason, but you still are a fool.
And Jesse, below is a chart that shows what you were trying to say.
On this day in 1970, Apple Records and United Artists release The Beatles' final album "Let It Be" in the US; it tops the charts and goes on to win Grammy Award for Best Original Score Written for a Motion Picture or a Television Special (Really? That’s all they could get Grammys for?).
Let It Be
Across The Universe
The Long And Winding Road
Get Back
