A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Congratulations @Frenchi. Your question was chosen tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists
@Frenchi If you could change something about yourself, what would it be and why?
Congratulations to @LeoLeeC and @steve-allen. Your questions were chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg.
@LeoLeeC What would cause you to change to a different restaurant table or airline seat?
@steve-allen Have you ever took blame for something you didn't do just to get it over with?
Post your questions below for the Greg & The Panelists on Friday's GUTFELD!
“Jimmy Kimmel”
Are you ready? Hey, are you ready for this?
Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
Out of the doorway, the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat, yeah
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust (yeah)
Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
Another one bites the dust
How do you think I'm gonna get along
Without you, when you're gone?
You took me for everything that I had
And kicked me out on my own
Are you happy, are you satisfied?
How long can you stand the heat?
Out of the doorway, the bullets rip
To the sound of the beat, look out
Another one bites the dust
Another one bites the dust
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one bites the dust
Hey, I'm gonna get you too
Another one bites the dust
The judge asked the woman what she stole. She replied, “I stole a can of peaches.”
The judge then asked, “how many peaches were in the can?”
“Six,” replied the woman.
After consideration, the judge decided to sentence her one night of prison for every peach she stole. Six nights total.
At this moment the woman felt helpless, bawling her eyes out, she didn’t know what to do.
And before the judge smacked the mallet down to make it final, her husband entered into the courtroom and yelled, “your honor, wait!”
The judge froze and listened to what the husband wanted to say.
“She also stole a can of peas!”
Mornin
