A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday.
She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results.
On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around.
As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"
"About 35,"he replied.
"I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy.
After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question.
He replied, "Oh, you look about 29."
"I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good.
While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question.
He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age."
There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt.
After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47."
Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?"
The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
Mornin.
Congratulations to @Ted_Prohowich. Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@Ted_Prohowich In which "Jeopardy!" category would you be able to answer all five clues?
Congratulations to @bek1 Your question was chosen for tonight’s Ask Greg and the Panelists.
@bek1 What is your "go-to" music for a romantic encounter?
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Goodly moaning, my friends. I greet you well.
Apologies for my absence. To be brief (as I must be, with Her Indoors hovering behind me, insisting I lie down), I had a pneumothorax, or collapsed lung, and was somewhat precipitously reacquainted with the world of hospitals and attractive but fierce nurses.
They're tying it up to the high numbers of chest infections I've been getting, and in turn to the partial removal of one lung where cancers were found back in October.
After a few days prone on a hospital bed, attached to an electric "drain", I was released last night.
As always, Her Indoors is taking instructions for my care and recovery a little more literally than I would, but, hey-ho, I'd rather be at home being told what I can't do than in hospital doing nothing at all.
I'd forgotten until just now that I 'd just completed the masterpiece below when my breath went, so you may as well see it.
It's already 21C outside, the warmest day of the year so far, with just two days left ...
